What have I been doing? So far, I am in my 4th semester and I still don't like it. The professors are nice and I am crushing on one of them. So. I feel dizzy all the time, super sensitive to sound, touch, light. I get so stressed easily I have to clutch my head and sit down or pace around and organize stuff. My back is killing me and my sleep schedule could be better.
One thing I can say with certainty is, that it will get better. I am 52,2 kg. Still. I know.
I barely eat and my commute of 1 1/2 hour doesn't seem to matter to my body because the number won't BUDGE. My skin has been bad, I am building up the courage to see my doctor, maybe he can run a test and tell me what's up. If he dares suggest a gyno or the pill I amd definitely refusing, because hello?
I also need to see a dermatologist, because my skin has never been worse. Dry, rough, oily and patchy and so INFLAMED. Not just my face but my decollete area and my back, shoulders in particular.
On a positive note, I have been turning to Jesus Christ. He gives me such comfort, I don't feel the pressures of the world knowing He is watching over me.
No, I am not crazy, I am not having spiritual psychosis, that was last year.
I used to proudly declare I am interest in paganism, that is no more. If I am being honest, I only care cause my online "boyfriend" was some sort of "witch". He thinks of himself as God, how embarassing can one get? Anyway, I pray for him, because clearly he is deluded in many ways. He tattooed his name on my neck, we have never even met face to face! I would much rather avoid him for good. He claims to love me but I know better, I know no one can love me like God does. His love is pure and unconditional, nothing a heathen can replicate, he lies and tells me the things I would have liked to hear. but now his words disgust me.
Not with God.
God makes me happy and I don't need more than that, although I crave certain things I know I'm just a human, imperfect and full of sin. And yet God loves me, he created me after his image and likeness, how crazy is that? And the best thing is.. It's my choice, I didn't just feel intrigued but I feel I belong.
He wants me, He owns the skies but He wants my heart.
And I need and love Him
I am still shy about writing letters, I do pray but with my nosy and pushy parents it's hard finding peace and comfort and the courage to pray without feeling rushed. I will try better though, I want a study Bible, a crucifix and a rosary at some point. And an own home. With people in my life I get to choose and that God approves of.
Amen !
